There’s nothing I like more than lying on my sunlounger — the sea ahead, sunshade above and ice-cold somethingorother in hand — and losing myself in a good fantasy book.
I’m not talking three-breasted women from Mars, or goatish forest rites; I’m talking health and fitness; diet; meditation, self-knowledge. General betterment.
In other words, hopeless fantasies of how utterly hot and fabulous I would look if I could ever muster the time or the self-discipline to follow a fitness regime properly and for more than three days at a time.
In other words, hopeless fantasies of how utterly hot and fabulous I would look if I could ever muster the time or the self-discipline to follow a fitness regime properly and for more than three days at a time.
I know I’m never actually going to embrace any of these life-changing methods (I’ve always been better with the theory than the practice).
But I enjoy reading about them nonetheless. Even if I have no chance of ever acquiring Elle Macpherson’s body, there’s always something useful I can adapt to my own slapdash lifestyle.
First in the case (or Kindle) is Clean And Lean (Kyle Cathie, £9.09) by James Duigan, Ms Macpherson’s personal trainer. James is a lovely man. I’ve trained with him a couple of times (I think I’m his only failure, but even he was no match for my laziness), and he knows his onions.
He also knows everybody else’s onions, in that he’s very up to date with all the latest research around diet and exercise.
The first book in the series is the best. He makes it as simple as possible to understand his thesis, which in a nutshell is this: eat well and you won’t be fat.
His philosophy is not so much calorie control as food control. On this he is evangelical: if you eat rubbish, you will look like rubbish.
The only downside to this book are the many pictures of gorgeous bottoms. Duigan argues that they are there for inspiration. That’s his story, anyway, and he’s sticking to it.
My next recommendation is Clean by Dr Alejandro Junger (HarperOne, £7.99). This bestseller is chunkier and more prescriptive, but essentially the message is the same as Duigan’s.
This book is not just for those who want to look stunning; it’s also for people who suffer from aches and pains and niggling malaise, and who want to feel better, too.
It’s about reducing inflammation in the body and creating a ‘happy’ intestinal environment (happy-hormone seratonin, apparently, is produced in the gut; if your gut is grumpy, it doesn’t make enough of it). So no alcohol, sugar, wheat, caffeine, soy, corn, dairy, meat, or oats — or, weirdly, ice-cold Mojitos. See what I mean about fantasy?
Practised evangelically, Junger’s method turns you into Gwyneth Paltrow (she is a huge fan). Follow the rules in a half-reasonable way and you will see an improvement.
Next stop: the Crazy Sexy Diet (Skirt! £11.86). This was recommended to me by a friend, and when I saw it my heart slightly sank. Aside from the fact that it has the kind of title that might have been cooked up by a Google focus group (‘sexy’ and ‘diet’ being two of the most popular web searches in the world), it’s full of OMGs and exclamation marks.
In fact, it’s brilliant. Kris Carr, the author has survived cancer — a very rare and inoperable type, and what she’s doing here is sharing her experiences and passing on what she’s learned. Her energy is remarkable, her spirit irrepressible — and only a cynic with a heart of stone would find her enthusiasm anything other than infectious.
After all that excitement, a little British reserve: Honestly Healthy For Life, by Natasha Corrett and Vicki Edgson (Jacqui Small LLP, £17.99). This is a wonderfully practical guide to eating well and nurturing that all-important inner glow. There are lots of recipes, plus innumerable facts about food types and how they act in the body.
The buzzword is alkaline — as opposed to acid — foods, and achieving a balanced way of eating that doesn’t leave you hungry or mess with your energy levels.
Lastly, something a bit showbiz. The Beauty Detox Solution by Kimberly Snyder (Harlequin, £10.14) is unapologetically Tinseltown (Drew Barrymore and Dita Von Teese are fans) and it’s not going to win the Pulitzer any time soon. However, as a reference book it’s very useful.
It also promises to help you achieve ‘a youthful, radiant glow, banish acne, splotchy skin and wrinkles, grow lustrous hair and strong nails, get rid of the bloat, melt away fat and never count calories again’. What a beautiful dream.
Your 15-minute morning makeover!
Supermodel Miranda Kerr has been boasting that it takes her only 15 minutes to make herself presentable in the mornings.
Of course it does: she’s young; she’s skinny; she’s a supermodel; she probably has one of those walk-in wardrobes where all the shoes are colour-coded and everything is meticulously arranged for ease of access.
I don’t imagine Ms Kerr ever runs out of clean pants, or has to rifle through the washing basket for a half-wearable bra. And I’m almost certain she also has a housekeeper and a nanny, whose job it will be to shovel organic chia seed porridge into her toddler’s mouth and mop up the puddles of milk while his mother dry-brushes her thighs.
Given those circumstances, I imagine even an old boiler like myself could emerge looking halfway acceptable in under 15 minutes. Two for the shower, one to clean my teeth, three to get dressed, one to brush hair, and the rest to find my keys and phone. Not being horribly stressed and having children shouting at you that they can’t find their shoes would also help.
That said, I do have a few tips. For example, I always keep some moisturiser in the kitchen. I can shove some on while I’m pouring the children’s cereal or making the tea. Keep it in the fridge — there’s nothing like a bit of genuinely cold cream to wake up tired skin.
If I’ve got an early start, I try to leave my eye make-up on overnight. I know this is awfully naughty, but if you use good quality products it’s fine.
Clinique’s Lash Power Long-Wearing Formula Mascara (£18, boots.com) is wonderfully everything-resistant, and it doesn’t clump either. As for eyeliners, Charlotte Tilbury’s Rock’n’Kohl pencils (£19, selfridges.com) are totally pillow-resistant. All you have to do in the morning is tidy things up with a cotton bud dipped in make-up remover.
You can also freshen up the eyelids with a sweep of neutral shadow: Urban Decay’s Virgin (£14, debenhams.com), for example. Then it’s the once-over with the concealer: dot around the nose, underneath and at the corners of the eyes — and blend.
Smashbox’s High Definition Liquid concealer (£17.50, Boots) is so easy to blend — and it comes in a neat tube you can toss in your handbag for later on.
Finally, a pop of colour to re-animate your morning pallor. I use Lord & Berry Matte Lipstick Crayon in Intimacy (£10, lookfantastic.com) on my lips and the apples of my cheeks: a creamy and subtle formula.
